When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
