how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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