Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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