My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize