GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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