i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
