Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
