just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
