My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
