Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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