Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
