Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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