great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
