There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?