awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
