if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
