Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, beer. Big fan.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Randomize
