this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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