omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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