Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
