i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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