whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
