My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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