Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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