i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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