My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
