Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
