I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
