operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
