i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
