I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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