Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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