Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Boobs are out for the taking
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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