Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
