Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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