Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
