Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
