Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
