I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
