I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
