Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
