so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
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I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
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He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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