I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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