i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
