I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
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Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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