He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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