Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
