i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
