You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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