i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize