im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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