I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
