I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
