It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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