I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
