is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
