She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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