sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
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turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.