he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
it's not cheating when I paid for it
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick