I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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