Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me