I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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