He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.