every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
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Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?