Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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