i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
