She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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