Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
