You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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